Finley went to every kindergarten activity they had thrown since spring of last year. She had met her principal, her teacher, and other students in her class. She had gone to her classroom with her mom and her dad separately. She had eaten lunch in her school cafeteria. She had read books about going to school. She had gone school shopping for clothes and she had all her supplies and a new backpack. She was prepared. Or so we thought...
The day before school started, Finley told Mommy, "I tell people I'm excited for school, but I'm really scared." Mommy told her about her students who come to the high school for the first time and are scared. She told her about herself starting as a teacher and being scared. She told her about all her friends who were starting kindergarten and would be scared, too. Then, Mommy gave her a melatonin and hoped she'd sleep through the night.
Mommy woke up with back-to-school jitters just before Finley woke up and told her she had a tummy ache. Minutes later, Mommy's alarm went off. "Let's get your pretty outfit on," Mommy said after holding her baby for a few minutes. "My tummy hurts so bad, Mama," Finley said, and the tears started flowing. Minutes later, they weren't flowing from just Finley's eyes anymore.
As Mommy tried to get ready for her first day of school, Finley called from the living room, "Mama, I want you to hold me." Mommy walked into the room to comfort her big girl just as Finley grabbed her mouth and gagged. Mommy ushered her to the bathroom and Finley let her nerves loose. Again, tears were flowing.
"Do you feel better? Let's take your special first day of school picture!" Mommy tried to sound excited. "Can I bring my blankie? Can I use my binky?"
"Will you smile for me?"
A fake smile plastered across her face. Her eyes looked red, tired, and scared.
A moment of bravery came and a with it, a real smile.
Then, the nerves...
Then, the bravery as Mommy helped her into her booster seat and clicked her seatbelt tight across her.
When everyone returned home from their big days, Finley refused to talk about her time at school. Her tummy still hurt and she cried in Mommy's lap. But, she put her favorite scratch-and-sniff shirt on, helped pack her lunch for tomorrow, and went easily to bed so here's to baby steps for our big girl...and Mommy.
